Fear · Goals · Motivation

You do not have to “DO IT ALL”

I have had a many conversations in the past about feeling overwhelmed with all the things that need to be done in a day. I am talking all the life stuff and how you find time for it all. I hear all the time I do not have time to _______ fill in the blank. Many times that blank is workout, or eat healthy or even sleep.

I do not care what your life looks like, you could be a stay at home mom with 5 children, or you could be a working parent with 2 kids, or you could be like me a working wife that has fur babies. Are all lives and responsibilities may look a little different but the one thing we do have in common is a full schedule.

This week on top of all my routine nightly chores I did errands, worked out all 5 mornings, found time to go to church to get together with the sewing group for the first time, had a zoom call with my confidence group and even went to bed at 7:30pm the other night.

What is my secret, I prioritize things that are most important to me. I believe it was Mel Robbins that I heard say plan a quit time each day. I have started applying this to chores in the evening. I was starting to notice that I would get myself very stressed in the evening trying to do it all on my to-do list and would feel guilty if I did not get it all done. I sometimes would not go do activities I was interested in or invited too because of it.

I started each day picking things that I know need to be done each night which tend to be making supper, feeding the kitties, filling the humidifiers, packing lunches and scooping litter boxes. If there is extra time before my “quitting time” I do another task that is on the list but I never let it stress me out if I do not get to it. That may mean there is a lot of kitty fur on my floor, dirty dishes in the sink, clean dishes in the dishwasher and laundry in the dryer. It will all still be there when I get to it the next day, and I figure if God does not grant me another day if someones first thought is “did you see she left dirty dishes in the sink” I think they are the ones with the problems. Life is way too short and precious to care about dirty dishes.

The nights that I have an activity that I want to prioritize my list of things I get done maybe even smaller. My quit time may change and I may have to push my bedtime to accommodate. The key is to knowing what is the most important thing that needs to be done and let the others wait to take the pressure off ourselves that us women are very good at putting on ourselves.

Another thing that has helped me tremendously is knowing what time of the day I work best. I had always been a night person, but I have now changed to a morning person. Since I am a morning person it is also why I have such an early bedtime especially during the week. Working out, more specifically half marathon training is important to me. I have learned that the only way I stay committed to that and constant is to get my workouts done in the morning. Once my day is started it is much harder for me to get my working done, especially during the week. I am tired by the end of my day and if I put my workout off until then, I do not have as much energy during my day and I am too tired by the time I get home too get it done. So, I wake up some mornings at 4:15am to drink my coffee and have a little food before getting a workout in.

One of my biggest pet peeves has to be people saying I am to “busy”. We all have a lot of things going on in life, I do not know a single person who is not “busy”. If something is truly important to you, you will find a way. I have a full scheduled but for the most part I am in full control of it and if I really want to do something I will. I am learning to schedule time to get things done that are truly important to me and saying no sometimes when things do not inline with my goals.

As I said above, I am a busy wife that works full time, has 4 fur babies to take care of, a house to run with cooking and cleaning, at minimum a monthly infusion that is 3 hours and other routine medical appointments. I still manage to find time to see friends, spend time with my husband, attend bible study, write on my blog one time a week, working on writing my book, working out and work on my hobbies.

I am not perfect and have moments where I feel overwhelmed with that, I then remind myself that I am choosing to do all of these things and somethings on my schedule can wait. Even right now, I still have some Christmas decorations up, did not get them all down when I took the tree down a few weeks ago. I have so much dust in my house I could write my name in it and I currently have a load of cloths in the washer that needs to go into the dryer. I have prioritized that Friday nights will be my writing night so while I finish this post the cloths will be in the washer, I am sure they will still be waiting for me when I get up in a minutes. The dust will still be there tomorrow when I hope to have a little time after my run, and if someone wants to judge me on my nativity scene still being up they certainly can.

When I really sat down and thought about all the things that caused me so much stress, I came to this one simple conclusion:

I was the only person putting all the pressure on me.

I had no one to blame for all the pressure I was feeling but myself. I had no one telling me I had to do all of these things, in my head I felt that in order to be the best wife, cat mommy, and women in general I needed to do all of it every night and have this perfect house. Truth is this, the only thing I need to do is take care of myself first. If I do not take care of myself, then I will not have anything left to give to others.

I have added one other trick in the last few weeks. It is based on a concept in the book How to Get Shit Done by Erin Falconer. I believe she words is as the Big 3. I look at it as I am picking 3 big goals I want to focus on right now and that is all. Right now I am focusing on half marathon training, writing (which includes my blog and my book) and connecting with others (which I have been doing by going to bible study and sewing). For everything I say yes too I think if it is in line with these 3 goals and if its not, then I figure out if it is something that is worth making a priority.

So far it has worked well. I have been able to stay committed to getting weekly posts done and writing on my book weekly. I have been training by running 3 days a week, which going to bed early has helped my training. I also move things around and go to bed early different days when I know its week of bible study and I will be up later. Its all about balance and living a life that I am working towards things that bring me closer to my goals and bring me joy.

I am very glad I have made some of the changes I have lately and it has impacted me in positive ways so far. I have even been able to spend more time with my husband on the weekends while he practices his hobby and I do not feel guilty. I know I have the things done I need to for that day and can bring my crafting with and do something fun and relaxing guilt free.

One other thing that I forgot to message here and I think is so important. ASK FOR HELP! As women, for some reason we hate to ask for help. I think we get it in our head that no one can do it like we can. Get rid of that though right NOW! I learned a long time ago it does not matter if the dishwasher is loaded like I do it, all that matters is the dirty dishes are in the dishwasher. It is one less thing I have to worry about. You have to specifically ask too, if you are asking someone to do something save yourself the trouble and leave out the subtle hints. If you cannot read someones mind they cannot read yours. You want your husband to take the trash out, say to him hey babe can you please take this trash out. Use the exact words of what you want done so whoever you are asking knows what to do!

If you have something you can outsource by all means do that. If you hate cleaning, maybe you can budget and have someone come in and clean. I have thought about this, truth is though I enjoy cleaning. So, I have made the choice that I will live in a little bit dirtier house at times so I can get my writing done and still do the cleaning when I have time because it brings me joy. Never be afraid to hire help, especially if you can afford to.

Now I have a challenge for you. I challenge you to do what I do. Think of things that are causing you too feel pressure. If they are things that you alone are putting the extra pressure on yourself, see if you can find a way to lessen that pressure. Also, find 3 things that you want to focus on for your life that make you happy. Schedule those things and say no to all things that do not aline with those 3 things.

This may cause people to now understand why you do the things you do but that is okay. You live your life how it works for you and do what brings you joy. Do not worry about what others are doing or what they may think about you. You do you my friend and rock you life filled with JOY!

Motivation

Embrace the Unexpected

Since my word for 2020 is Embrace, I am going to continue with that theme for at least this weeks post. This week tried to knock me down and I had to try and embrace the unexpected.

I wish I could write that I nailed it and 100% of the time was just going with the flow, but this is real life and that is not what happened. Let me lay out my first 2 days of the week for you:

Monday: I knew I needed an oil change and to get the tires rotated, which my hubby was going to take care of today when I was having my infusion. Long story short, I ended up having a piece of plastic hanging down and dragging in the front of my car. Off to the dealership I went to get that repaired along with the ¬†oil change and tires rotated. I didn’t embrace the unexposed very well in that moment. While I was waiting, I did make myself focus on the things I was grateful for in that moment. I was grateful they could get me in right away, they could get it all done without me having to make another appointment and that I was able to leave work and take a long lunch to get it taken care of. By the time my car was ready I was in a better mood and I was able to just be grateful that we had the finances to take care of that and that my car was once again maintained and ready to go for the trip we were planning to take today.

Tuesday: I woke up and notice the hubby forgot his coffee, so I was drinking the left behind coffee while I was eating a little something before my run. I got up to go to the treadmill, and I thought I had a good hold on my tumbler with water in it. Turns out, I did not and the lid came off which caused it too hit and break my favorite coffee mug. It spilled coffee and water all over my end table and the floor. I had to clean that mess up, took the glass top off the end table and put a fan on the floor to help it dry. Decided even with now running behind I was still going to get on the treadmill, get to the back room had to stop running because I forgot a second ponytail holder (long hair problems lol). Started running and looked at my fitbit to monitor my heart rate during my run, it wasn’t working. I have had this fitbit for almost 2 years and I noticed the battery life was starting to wear out and that it was having issues syncing so it was time for a new one but didn’t want to but it just yet. That was my last straw and I decided that I would move my run to the next day and do my Barre Blend workout instead.

Tuesday after work I was able to run my errands and get a new Fitbit, I was happy they were on sale since I wasn’t planning on buying them and I had a $10 off coupon as well. All good things in my book and it made having to buy a new Fitbit a little easier. One thing I did learn, when you need to buy a new fitbit, remember to turn off all the alarms on the old one lol. I ended up having 3 alarms going on on Wednesday morning, which at least I didn’t have to worry about sleeping though my alarm.

Wednesday and Thursday were both much better days for me so the mid to end of the week got better. Other then last night I had to make the decision to not travel to my Aunt and Uncles after my infusion today because of the weather. We made a plan to visit then in April so I look forward to that already. It was definitely a disappointment thought because I was really looking forward to spending sometime with them because its been over a year now since the last time we were able to travel to them.

Today was infusion day, it was right away in the morning and I actually stayed awake and watched movies with the hubby the whole time. We both decided to still take the days off since it was planned that way anyways. While I would have much rather been on the road to MN, it was nice to have some extra time to spend with my hubby and working on my crafting.

Monday I did not do well with embracing the unexpected right away but I was able to find something to be grateful in in the moment which I am proud of myself for. Tuesday I embraced they fact that I knew my run was not going to be effective so changed it to a different workout to stay on track with working out 6 days a week.

What I consider to be my huge win for the week is even with having to change days I ran, I am still sticking with my training of running 3 days a week. Today I didn’t have time to do the full 4.5 miles, but I did have time to do 30-40 minutes on the treadmill and got 3.2 miles in which is way better then nothing. With trying to embrace the unexpected of my plans changing I am embracing that I was able to spend this evening cleaning and writing. I also am embracing that I will not be able to get my scheduled run in on Saturday and not have to do it when we got home on Sunday.

I am a constant work in progress, and focusing on embracing all the things that come my way is helping me to try and find things to be grateful in all the moments. It is not easy, but each time I practicing embracing hard things, unexpected things and so on the easier it will become and the more I will focus on things to be grateful for.

I am excited, I ordered a bracelet with the word EMBRACE on it from http://www.myintent.org. It is not here yet, but I am so excited for it to get here so I can have that reminder on my wrist at all times to embrace anything that comes my way.

Embrace 2020

 

Fear · Uncategorized

Embrace Fear

Did you set a New Years resolution?

I heard this from a few different people that only 8% of people who sets goals for themselves in a new year succeed. When you think of how many people set goals each year that is not many.

I feel I can say with a large amount of confidence, that people have the best of intentions and truly want to make there change that will impact their lives for the better. Why do you think it is, that people have the best of intentions starting a new year and then they fail?

For me it comes down to fear. Whether it be fear of change, fear that someone will judge you, fear you will fail or fear of the unknown. Feeling fear is enough to completely stop anyone from reaching their goals.

I know even myself, I am feeling fear right now as I type this this post. Wondering if this will resinate with anyone. Will someone make fun of me. How many people will judge me because of all the errors I am sure are in this post. I mean I did score high on writing test when I was in high school but that was years ago.

I am choosing to push through this fear. 1. Because I truly do enjoy writing (especially on my new computer) and 2. Because I feel like their is someone out there who needs to hear this message right now. Fear can either hold you back or drive you to be stronger. I am choosing to use it to fuel me to be in that 8% of people that reach their goals in 2020.

My girl, Rachel Hollis, says you can only focus on one dream at a time. While I 100% believe in that, I do have a few things I am focusing on right now and why I think I can make it all work it 2020.

Some of the things I vision for 2020 are this:

  1. Training for my half marathon
  2. Drinking more water
  3. Getting more sleep
  4. Eating all the veggies
  5. Completing craft projects
  6. Reading 1 book a month
  7. Keeping my house clean
  8. Saving money
  9. Paying off debt
  10. Writing my book (side note, this is very scary for me to even put in this post to share with the world)

Here is why I feel this is not too ambitious for me, some of these items go together. I have run a half marathon before and since I have worked out 6 days a week for a while I have already built the fitness habit. This does not mean it is not challenging, it is completely challenging adding running in, trying to get the right amount of training miles done and improve. I have a ways to go but I do have until the end of April so I will get there.

My half marathon, as I said above is in April. That means I only have that for about 3-4 months of 2020. I will continue fitness and running but less miles. Adding items is a little easier for me then removing. I have increased my water and try to make sure at every meal I have a serving of veggies. They are both health related and how I stay motivated to do this is because I feel so much better when I do.

I am crazy about sleep. I aim to get 7.5 hours of sleep every night. Since I get up around 4:30am weekday mornings that does sometimes mean by 7:30-8:00pm I am in bed sleeping. Now I know some week nights I do not get that accomplished. This week some unexpected things came up and since it was bible study week, which is a priority for me, I didn’t get to bed early that night either. It is just all about balance and if I get to bed early most nights of the week, when I go to bet a little later a night here or there it is still manageable. I do try to sleep in on the weekends, but usually my fur babies have my awake by 5:30am if I am lucky. I have transitioned to a morning person over the years so for the most part I do not mind.

The paying off debt and savings kind of go together. I have medical issues so I know my medical bills will cost a lot each year so putting that money in savings right away helps a ton. I do need to cut back on the shopping, but I do also save a lot of money too. My husband and I have a budget for the bills and that also allows us to focus on one bill and pay extra. Some times unexpected bills come up and they extra money goes to that but that is okay. I am just so grateful we have both the money to pay for those unexpected things and for my medical bills out of pocket. It is sad to me sometimes to know my savings is just for that but that is just what I have to expect. Being a person with medical issues it is better to be prepared that way and plan for.

The reading, cleaning and crafting I am putting into the “self care” category so to me that is a easy goal to work on. I have my cleaning that I have to do nightly, with 3 cats in the house and 1 outside they need food and litter boxes scooped daily. I am talking some of the deep cleaning you only get to maybe once a year if your lucky. That I plan to set a side 1-2 nights a week to work on one of them. So some nights it will be I clean something when I have a spare hour, the next night I plan to craft and so on. I also have been taking my crafting with when my husband shoots pool (yep I crochet in a bar lol). This way, I still get to spend quality time with my husband, we tend to make it a date and usually get food before/after and then he practices while I work on my hobby. It actually has been working out great doing and helped me to get some crafting done and not feeling guilty because I should be cleaning. I also only have a couple projects with true “deadlines” which means I can take my time and just enjoy the activity that is relaxing to me.

This is also how I plan to write my book, okay so maybe not taking my laptop with while he shoots pool. Although, that thought has crossed my mind. It has helped that I have a functional laptop again and can take it places if I choose too. I will also set aside time in the mornings or evening during the week and weekends to write. I have a goal to get it finished this year. I still need to work out the logistics of editing and publishing, but if I don’t write the book there will be no need for those items. Once I have a book that is when I will worry about that.

That got long so let me recap really quick. Fear can either hold you back or move you forward. I am choosing, this year to Embrace (my word for this year) fear and have it move me forward. I believe with planning and building habits anything is possible. My gaol list may look long but many of this items work together and I know when I drink my water, eat all the veggies and get all the sleep I have energy to do all of the things. It actually makes me feel like I have more time in my day!

I hope you are having a great 2020 so far and I want you to be in that 8% of people who reach their goals this year!

Embrace Fear!